hellogoodbye.

hello may, goodbye april.

25 more days !
35 + weekends.

im not ready, slow down.

i never thought

i'd be in love like this.

when i look at you my mind goes on a trip,

then you came in and knocked me on my face.

feels like im in a race, but i already won first place.

knock you down - keri hilson

so let me tell you about my day,

school was a drag, everything was boring.

lunch came than everything was shit.

since it was all club food fair, i went with shannon to get lunch.

i was waiting for shannon, lauren&william to get some pasta thing.

i felt my backpack being tugged, but i didn't really think it

was being open. just my luck, little did i realized, my diabetic

meter shit got stolen. what the fuck. i turned around saw a guy go

into the crowd, than i started yelling whoever stole my diabetic shit

better give it back, everyone just started to look at me retarded.

well obviously i panicked and started to cry, leaving shannon and them, i

went to go find katie, alyson, gina, and winnie telling them what happened.

they than later went to find my crap, but no where to be found.

called mom, she started freaking out, i cried even more -___x

than went to tell the glcs and they sent me to sit in the nurse's office

until lunch was over so they can do a search. ten minutes in the office

i see a kid that i knew, i use to be in his sixth period graphics class, with my shit.

he said he found it in the guys restroom, inside a stall...

what the eff. i would love to see the guy that jacked it to see

what he really stole. dumbass must have thought it was

my wallet or a retarded ds. well he thought wrong. stupid asshole.

hope karma gets him back. now i don't really want to touch

that meter cause i honestly don't know what the person has

done to it, so now im here, sitting, and disinfecting the crap.

now why the eff, would you want something like that?
it's not like you need it, so don't jack that from me.
if you want my wallet, by all means, take it, its not like
i carry cash in there. take anything but what my life
may depend on.

if i ever catch the jackass that stole
it, he better pray that i forgive his ass.

-michelle.

this world

is filled with secrets.

go find them, you'll be amazed at what

you can discover (:

ohmy,

what did i get myself into this time ?
oh right, that thing -___x

why couldn't things just stay where they were,
why couldn't we've gone further, than i wouldn't
be in this situation.

i hate this.
treating me like i dont exist, but when we're not
at school, its completely different.
you dont talk to me as much as you use to.
i want to scream i hate you, i really do,
but that would just be a lie.
ugh.


im sick of feeling like december again and again.
won't this feeling ever stop ?


-26 more days to go.

moving forward.

everyone seems to be moving forward, thinking about their future and planning everything.
i know its the right thing to do, and i should be doing the same...but im not.
yeah, thats kinda bad, but i really dont know what i want to take&do with my life.
course i wanna go to college and be successful and stuff, but i still dont know.

not just classes, but with friends and outside of school too.
i just feel like im stuck in the past and i won't move any further.

i've been thinking a lot lately, wondering all the what ifs, thinking about those old days, missing the memories, and wishing for parts of it back.

i wish i can control time and take a time period and make it present and just stick with it for a while.

high school is flying by fast&slow. im not ready for it. i need some time.
i miss my friendships in 8th grade, miss the good times in march, spring break, and christmas&new years.

i wish every good moment i had, i was able to relive it anytime i wish.
i wish i could stop time and just lay down on the grass on a sunny/cloudy blue sky day&just think for hours.





why won't you be my blue skies,
wo i can be your sunshine,
you'll be my horizon,
i'll come to you everynight,
i want you to be my moonlight,
i will be your night-time (:
forever yours - manny x


-michelle

i can't believe...

im going to school at regular time tomorrow when i can sleep in.
just watch, im going to be that only loser nerd asian that goes to my class cause
mrs. mosokovitz "encourages" us to come to school, when we really dont have to.
now i wish i took bio, or i can drive cause than i'd drive to school and i would be able to sleep in.
stupid sister has school on fridays now ):
blehhh.
i feel retarded going to school early when i can sleep in.
seriously.
fml.



but i do have to admit, i'm loving these 30 minute classes.
i just hate how i dont have zero period so i have that big 45 minute break.
so boring.
i hate high school, still.
im ready for it to end right now.


i feel like a fool -_____-

bleh ><

thinking..

....back on last year, i sure miss a lot.i miss mrs. robertson, i hated my class yet i enjoyed being in that class, cause we do crazy stuff and she would be okay with it. our ideas&dreams weren't out of range, because she believed we could achieve them just made it all better. i just miss those days. <3


also, i'm missing those ppg days ): we'd be walking around diamond bar, baking, making videos, just sit and talk, taking tons of pictures, laughing our butts off, and so much more. but now that im here in high school, we seem to be drifting. yeah, we still say we're here for each other, but we now hardly talk. i hate it. i just miss those good days.

i miss you, two <3

i guess high school is just meant to tear people apart to see who stays by your side and who leaves.

days are passing, time is limited.

this school year is almost over.

just 30 more days.

am i ready ?

i dont think so.

wish time would slow down, yet at the same time speed up faster.

would you believe it if i told you im scared.

im scared out of my mind right now.

hearts pumping fast.

heart beat is raising.

i dont think i can survive, but i'll say that in two years, and i probably still be alive -___x

anyways, two hours of dance at dellos feels super good.

but now im beyond tired&my legs are hurting.

-___-

i can't walk....im kinda sore.

oh my >< !

30 days of school left.

but im feeling like december.

and december was pretty bad.

maybe something good will happen ?!

really?

psh NO !

who am i kidding, lets just get this school

year over with, maybe it wont be as bad as i think.

...mmm no, it'll be pretty bad like every year.

</3

you can't get hurt...

ever woke up and told yourself today will be a good day ?

smiled big, laughed a lot, than all of a sudden something

you thought to yourself just ruined that good day.

well thats how i feel right now. its so much easier to just

run from everything, than face it. even though it will come

back and everything, i think i rather not face them. the world

keeps spinning and it's not going to stop. time won't freeze and

let the good times play on repeat. cause everyday dreams&hopes

are being crushed, while all i can do is wonder what ifs, and i

just wish something good would happen.

i think sometimes holding onto something for so long just kills

cause i was once told remember why you held on for so long, well

its not the same anymore, everyone is bound to let go sometime,

and i think the sooner the better. im not waiting for anyone anymore,

times flying and im flying with it.

it's quite amazing how such wonderful memories can make people

smile so big, yet make them cry for hours, cause just the

right amount of happiness and thought put into something you

loved so much, can actually hurt so bad.

...if you dont care.
well i think i stopped caring.

cause the truth hurts, so people tend to lie to themselves.
if not, than the truth was a lie in a mask. people don't keep
their words, cause they are truly scared or they just wanted
to mess around. they don't mean what they say anymore, its
all a lie. promises are meant to be broken since they just felt
like making you happy and not give a damn about how you
feel later. trusting people has officially became an issue for
me and its really easy to gain my trust. i guess just the same
shit happens everytime that im just truly sick of it all.

i wanted to honestly prove to myself that they weren't all

the same and messed up, but now that i think of it, with all

my assumption, looks like i won't prove myself right.

people really wanted to prove me wrong, well guess what ?

congrats, you did it.

i wish to erase my memory. cause sometimes having

so many good times, i will miss it all, therefore causing

me to have the past interfere with me now.

it would be nice if i can just dream forever and never

wake up.

smile !

this is basically the third blogspot i made since when i had one, no one was willing to make one before.

lately, there's A LOT that has been going through my head and honestly i don't know where to start. i guess i'll start from the past; now that i look back on my life, im pretty satisfied with life, but on the overall part, there sure was a lot of pros and cons. from the family struggles to death to the happy moments in life to now, i sure was a inncent messed up kid all at the same time. there's so much negativity in my life to now, now that i think of it, but oh well.
smile.

okay, that was that, now the future. i think i took a lot in life for granted. i remember when i was in fourth grade and i was listening to parents talk about how they watch their kids grow up in a heart beat, i didn't believe it. boy, was i wrong. it was quick. although living in the time; it wasnt, but now that i look back on how i was and now, i changed a lot. one thing that stayed the same was probably how i look at things. anyways, looking on now, i'm a freshman. wonderful. three more years of high school and i, as of right now, really strongly don't like it. it's beyond boring&gay. and i think its a long time til i graduate, at the same time it's not. growing up. time flies by quick. so quick, that im actually scared. i hate the fact that people are/am still going in and out of my life. i wish everything could stay still for a while.
smile.

next on the list, trust&believing.
when my sister said the friends you had back in middle school won't be the friends you have at the end of high school graduation. as much as i didn't want to believe it because i believed i was going to be different...i was wrong. i hate this. friends can backstab any minute. the friends i trust, that i vent to; can just stand there, nodd their heads, pretend to relate to me, pat my back, and honestly not give a shit. i guess when people said trust no one, they were serious. now, i don't know morals of mine to believe. i feel lost agian. terrific.
smile.

and the list continues.
eff this week, california state testing is the gayest test EVER. and as if getting grades from school and having parents looking down at kids wasn't enough of a disappointment. ever felt like you're never good enough ? well im right there with you. when i do feel like im actually good enough for something, something else always has to ruin that good feeling of mine. knowing that my mom would never be able to brag to her siblings about me being good at something, i feel guilty for it. they are freaking fob asians with brains. im just asian. i have a brain, just not their smarty pants brain. jeeez, stop trying to help me be smarter. just let me fuck it up and enjoy it. isn't that what parents truly want ? let their kids be happy. well all i feel right now is disappointment, one after another. i already know i am a big one, whatever.
smile.

than.....
listening to music. brings back so many memories. reminds of me so many thing. there were good times, but mostly bad times. just yesterday when i heard songs by teddy geiger and other songs i use to love, why the eff did i freaking tear up. im getting frustrated with how i tear up so easily over a song, yet the song didn't have a huge impact on me.
smile.

and last but not least, lying.
good time to lie is when you don't want people to worry or something. that means im doing the right thing !
i don't know, i guess im just confusing myself. i bet you're just reading this like wtf? what the heck is she talking about. well truthfully i dont want to explain this subject. i'll just let it be. ughhhh, owww. i feel like im getting stabbed and its hard to breathe. save me from myself ):
smile.

okay, well that was that.
time to live testing mode.
shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhit. what the hell am i going to do after testing. -____x
im going to be so effin bored. save me.
smile.

goodbye.
-michelle