one week down.

and i wish it was summer again :P
still in summer mode, still want to
go to the beach !

its

11:34 pm and im sort of tired. you know what
really sucks ? when my mom is at her desk with
that stupid calculator and stupid paper with big
numbers on them, and shes calculating how much
we owe and how much we have. than hearing her
complain how we have extra yet we never have the
extra money we need. it really sucks to hear her
talk and complain how we're struggling. i really wish
there was something i can do besides wishing i wasn't
alive, saving money, and whatever else out there.
because when i do try to help, she won't accept it. but
what sucks EVEN more is when i try so hard to make
her happy&proud of me, i fail. im jealous that i would
never be able to make her cry out of happiness. all i can
do is make her lecture and wish for a better daughter.

i hate high school. i really wish it fly by faster. days are
going slow and its driving me crazy. i either feel like a
failure or i feel like crap. hardly a day where i feel like
im finally good enough or something. i want to feel
proud of myself or make my mom proud. but its not
working, so i give up with that.


i need to breathe and clear stuff out. i feel like im not
living life to its fullest anymore. im just rushing it all
to get it all over with. all i want is to not wish that i
was never alive.


well its 11:43; bye bye.

i

really really really HATE school.

i dislike having a class with you, you
just perfectly know how to make me
feel like $h!t.

sophomore year

starts tomorrow. oh yay. im not excited at all, nor am i
looking forward to it -_____-"
anyways; losers of class of 2012, wear red tomorrow
&&representtttt ! stop beign a disgrace, seriously.
you guys already suck at cheering during rallys&crap.
HAHAHA !

i wish school didn't start tomorrow, i want one more week
of summer ! summer went by sort of too quick ): blehhh,
i like how i dreading school already and it hasn't even
officially began ! kjhartklehrhawkljehrtkejhaajkfndsa !
waiting for the last bell to ring :P

so...

DONT FORGET TO WEAR RED tomorrow !

shannonfan

im so uber happy&proud of you !
congratulations, miss teen taiwan world (;
you did unbelievably amazing today.
now relax cause your hard work paid
off !

thinking

how everything is going by so fast.

summer is practically over and school is about to start.
time flies by so fast that i feel like i can't catch my
breathe anymore.
taking a walk down memory lane and i found this;


wow, brings back so much memories. haha (:
basically the best part of 8th grade at chaparral for me !

then freshman year..... i feel like i didn't do anything,
i feel like i wasted a whole year for something special.

i had good times&wonderful memories, but i really don't
think i did anything that made a difference.

i dont know, im sort of confused and theres so much on my mind.
im not ready for school to start, im not ready for a lot.

yay

for finishing summer work (:
boo, school starts on monday ):

i still need to go back to school shopping :P

but i do want to plan one more beach&bonfire
before school starts ! anyone down ?

weddings

are so fun (:



.....until you find out you're performing and miss out
on half of the reception cause you're too busy in the back
getting ready -_____-"


congrats and best wishes to jin&gregg !

disneyland

another summer goal down (:

11 more days of summer ):
11 more days to finish summer work -_x
3 more days until momentum.
4 more days until wedding.
11 more days until school starts !

i like this summer. it was actually
fun&boring at the same time !



theres too much going through my head.
summer, please slow down ):

sheep or wolf ?

hmmm, i would choose the sheep.

ever since the day i've talk to jami, i felt like i wanted is to yell and be angry for everything you've done. but i finally realized it, i can't yell and stay angry for what happened. i dont know why i cant, but i do know whether it was on purpose or not; all i can do is forgive&move on.

having the choice of forgiving someone and staying mad for the longest time sucks more then getting hurt cause all you do is just keep everything bottled and let it build up until you finally take the step to let it all go.

i still want to tell you, but i am now rethinking on how i want to say it without sounding weak, stupid, and foolish. i hate it when a person really makes me think more then twice, but then youd know that i actually really care and truly appreciate you. and now that i have thought more then twice, i know whatever decision i make will determine the outcome of it all. everything happens for a reason and even if i do think about those what if i didnt moments, i'll just have to let it go and accept it all.

relieved.

hung out w/ winnie today, good talks.
got home, talked to jami, major good
relieving talks. but now i realized i
am stupid, vulnerable, and as much
as i want to hate you, i know i wont.
i just want to be that one person that
makes you realize your wrongs.
thanks for the memories, even though
you ruined a lot for me.


dear michelle,

you are a stupid stupid stupid stupid
stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid
stupid stupid retarded completely stupid
not smart at all retarded idiotic stupid
foolish foolish girl.

love, michelle.

heartless

sometimes i wish i was a robot, i wouldn't have to think or care so much.

i hate hate hate hate hate hate hate summer work. eff lord of the flies, i hate that book. i think i'm going to hate this year more than last year. less then three weeks of summer left ): i don't think i'll be able to go to disneyland D:<

people are so stupid and slow. how hard is it to just to say yes i can go or no i cant and if you need a ride or not. they take forever to reply a simple question of i can or can't go when i plan crap. how hard is it to ask parents and say yes or no ?! -_____-

whats worse; know you were being used or not being able to let go ? you're just like them. what the fuck did i ever see in you? seriously. how stupid of me.

smile, even if you everything isn't okay.

im sick of being paranoid, of playing nice, of
pretending everythings okay, of caring about
everything so much, of caring about you when
you dont really care about me.