5.31.2010
5.29.2010
i like how
i can only be determined for like a little while then it dies.
i dont have to energy to keep driving myself to reach my goal.
lets face it, two Bs, possible C, three As.
thas no bueno.
summer needs to be here, but i dont even want to start thinking about summer school, SATs, and the future.
i know as the years go by things become harder and there is more challenges to face, but what if i i told you that i already want to give up ? every year i see people take on everyday with all their strength and they get through it, i think it can't be that bad because they are surviving. but what if i was wrong, what if im the only one who is failing ? i know they say there are tons of people just out there feeling how you feel, but what if those people are the ones that are smart enough to not push themselves as hard? what if those are the people that take it easy yet still face challenges and survive ? im pushing myself to survive this day and im coming to a conclusion that im not cut out for this.
i know i may sound like im complaining a lot right now, but this is just what im thinking about.
yeah every kid is overwhelmed, but my attempt to blog how im feeling is failing.
i always thought i said everything on my mind, but i realized i hold back more than just speaking out whats on my mind.
as for summer, i can take on teaching two classes&taking two(hoping more) per week, training with jami once a week, summer school, but as studying SATs by myself... thats the biggest disappointment right thurr. i dont want to ask to take classes. as for going to taiwan, i dont even want to go. we're tight on this whole money crap and its not looking good. i get lectured either twice a week or i over hear my mom talking to my dad on the phone about money, then hearing about how she wishes i be much successful when i grow older. hearing how shes almost ____ and isn't retiring, or how she probably will never have a house of her own, or how she is never able to do all the things she wishes to do, breaks my heart more and more every day.
no matter how hard i strive just for a better future just for my parents, i think that future is just crumbling to pieces for every breath i take in and every tear that falls.
i should get back to my math and chem study guides, oh joy.
ciao.
i dont have to energy to keep driving myself to reach my goal.
lets face it, two Bs, possible C, three As.
thas no bueno.
summer needs to be here, but i dont even want to start thinking about summer school, SATs, and the future.
i know as the years go by things become harder and there is more challenges to face, but what if i i told you that i already want to give up ? every year i see people take on everyday with all their strength and they get through it, i think it can't be that bad because they are surviving. but what if i was wrong, what if im the only one who is failing ? i know they say there are tons of people just out there feeling how you feel, but what if those people are the ones that are smart enough to not push themselves as hard? what if those are the people that take it easy yet still face challenges and survive ? im pushing myself to survive this day and im coming to a conclusion that im not cut out for this.
i know i may sound like im complaining a lot right now, but this is just what im thinking about.
yeah every kid is overwhelmed, but my attempt to blog how im feeling is failing.
i always thought i said everything on my mind, but i realized i hold back more than just speaking out whats on my mind.
as for summer, i can take on teaching two classes&taking two(hoping more) per week, training with jami once a week, summer school, but as studying SATs by myself... thats the biggest disappointment right thurr. i dont want to ask to take classes. as for going to taiwan, i dont even want to go. we're tight on this whole money crap and its not looking good. i get lectured either twice a week or i over hear my mom talking to my dad on the phone about money, then hearing about how she wishes i be much successful when i grow older. hearing how shes almost ____ and isn't retiring, or how she probably will never have a house of her own, or how she is never able to do all the things she wishes to do, breaks my heart more and more every day.
no matter how hard i strive just for a better future just for my parents, i think that future is just crumbling to pieces for every breath i take in and every tear that falls.
i should get back to my math and chem study guides, oh joy.
ciao.
5.18.2010
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